Summary: People in your churches and in your lives are hungry for others to be transparent about their past and vulnerable about their present. Emotionally intelligent leaders are not afraid to be honest and real at the right times and with the right people. Don’t be a leader who thinks they need to “have it all together, all the time.”

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Great leaders understand the power of transparency and vulnerability. Let’s seek to define these two terms. Transparency is being open and honest about your past. On the other hand, vulnerability is being open and honest about yourself and your standing right now. Transparency is where you have been and vulnerability is where you are currently.

I believe, with all my heart, that people in your churches and in your lives are hungry for others to be transparent about their past and vulnerable about their present. In a false world of social media perfection, we all need to showcase the harder realities of our authentic lives.

Now listen. For all of the black and white people out there, please understand that we must be wise in our transparency and our vulnerability. As my wife likes to say, “Healthy vulnerability is not sharing ALL the things, with ALL the people, ALL the time.” Poor leadership lacks discernment. There are places and spaces where “laying it all out” would not be the best move.

And yet, emotionally intelligent leaders are not afraid to be honest and real at the right times and with the right people. We are not called to present a “curated image” but rather an “authentic image.” Don’t be a leader who thinks they need to “have it all together, all the time.” This is not only untrue, it is unhealthy.

Can I challenge you to begin to exercise the possibly attrified muscle group of vulnerability this week? It may pave the way for great things.

Summary: People’s personal lives can be messy. In ministry, part of your job is to deal with people’s spiritual emergencies. Spend your ministry life well so you can serve people in their times of great need.

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People’s personal lives can be messy. Jesus came for the hurting not the healthy. If you stood in the line to be a doctor, you should not be shocked to be dealing with sick people. If you stand in the line to be a dentist, you should not be surprised that you have to deal with a little bad breath from time to time. Folks, you stood in the ministry line. You should not be shocked that part of our job is to deal with people’s spiritual emergencies.

Can I get really honest with you? This is my one and only life. I want to spend it well. I want to spend my energies on things that really matter. I do not want to spend all of my time and all of my energy on lesser things. Let’s define lesser things: Making copies, setting up chairs, being bogged down in email for hours a day. Listen. All of these things are necessary things. They are just NOT the most important things.

I want to deal with all of the lesser in such a way that I am fully prepared and able to deal with people’s spiritual emergencies. Think of a doctor who has gone to years of expensive schooling. He put himself through all of this pain and financial cost SO HE COULD BE READY to help people. An effective doctor would not want to think that his or her highest use is being stuck in a back office clicking on charts and filling out paperwork.

I am not knocking paperwork or administrative tasks. We have to do these tasks. But these tasks are intended to support the cause NOT be the end of our cause. People are the highest end. Are you prepared for people and their hardships? Remember, this is a major part of what we are supposed to do. I am not called, exclusively, to make copies, reply to emails and fill in spreadsheets. There is a purpose for these items, but they are a means to a deeper end.

This week, let’s keep the main thing, the main thing.

Summary: Hard conversations happen in ministry. Sometimes the hardest part is the timing. Try these five phrases to lead well in hard conversations.

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Hard conversations happen in ministry. There are two parts of hard conversations: First — content, and second — timing. Often it is not just that hard conversations are hard because of the content of that conversation. Yet, sometimes these hard conversations are hard because of the timing of that hard conversation. For me, the worst time to have a hard conversation was on a Sunday morning or a Wednesday night.

Let’s imagine someone approaches you on a Sunday morning, with scores of people standing or walking nearby. Today, I want to give you 5 phrases to put a hot and angry conversation on ice and cool things off in the moment.

Here are the 5 phrases in rapid fire: Phrase #1 - “That’s Interesting,” Phrase #2 - “Tell me more,” Phrase #3 - “You have given me a lot to think about,” Phrase #4 - “Let me take this back to the team,” Phrase #5, “Do you feel heard right now?”

I have used these 5 phrases to help mellow potentially volatile conversation. Phrase #1 “That’s interesting” This phrase alone is critical. You are not saying they are WRONG or RIGHT. You are affirming them without committing to any conclusions. Phrase #2 - “Tell me more.” Rather than manically talking and possibly digging yourself into a defensive hole, you are taking the role of an active listener. Phrase #3 - “You have given me a lot to think about.” I like this phrase because it not only validates their thoughts, it telegraphs that you may not be able to provide an INSTANTANEOUS answer. This leads to phrase #4, “Let me take this back to the team.” You can defer this possibly heated conversation so you can collect your thoughts and gain counsel from your team. Remember, not every situation demands an instantaneous answer. Phrase #5, “Do you feel heard right now?” Personally, I think this is one of the most important things you can say to someone who might be angry or upset.

I encourage you to consider incorporating these phrases into your leadership language.

Summary: When communicating with volunteers, sometimes clarification is needed. Listen and repeat back what you are hearing, so others can clarify if that’s what they were actually sending and intending.

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I want to tell you about the wonders of the McDonald’s Drive Thru language. Now, many, many, many, many years ago, McDonald’s was finding a lot of lost revenue as people were going through the drive thru, they were getting their food from the drive thru, paying for their food at the drive thru, and then driving off only to realize that they did not get what they ordered.

Hear me out. You see McDonald’s made a startling revelation that it was a breakdown in communication that caused not only a loss in revenue but caused the people who were getting their food to be disappointed and frustrated. McDonald’s made an amazing realization and their solution to this problem now is used in relationship studies. It’s used in counseling and even in psychology with relationships and it’s called the McDonald’s Drive Thru Method.

They simply asked the customer, “Now, you wanted a Coke, small fries and a quarter pounder?” And the person in the car would say “Not at all. I wanted a Diet Coke, a medium fry and a quarter pounder.” To which the drive thru person would say “Fantastic. You wanted a Coke, a small fry and a quarter pounder.” “NO! I wanted a Diet Coke, a medium fry and a quarter pounder.”

At the end of the day, it’s simply clarifying communication. Let me give you a challenge. In your next opportunity - whether it’s with a spouse, or a staff person, or even a volunteer, or possibly a parent in your ministry - as they say something to you, simply repeat back what you heard from them, and ask for clarity. It is amazing. What you hear is often not what they were sending. My encouragement to you: review, and listen, and then repeat back what you heard from them to clarify that’s what they were sending and intending. I call it McDonald’s Drive Thru communication.

Summary: The brain craves a starting point and an ending point. If you use a “communication sandwich” you can help your listener retain more information by packaging the communication correctly.

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Today, I want to tell you about the simplicity of the “Communication Sandwich.” The “Communication Sandwich” will allow you to become more effective in your written and verbal leadership. This is a tried-and-true method of communication that makes it EASIER for a leader to prepare. That’s you! This simple type of communication also makes it EASIER for the listener to receive and remember. That’s them!

The “Communication Sandwich” is composed of three parts: A top bun, the meat and the bottom bun. The top bun is when you tell your audience exactly what you are about to tell them. “Today I am going to tell you about the Communication Sandwich.” The meat is telling them the deeper details of your topic, in this case, the “Communication Sandwich.” The bottom bun is nothing more than telling them, “I have just told you about the “Communication Sandwich.”

The brain craves a starting point and an ending point. Effective communicators make the brain of the listener do LESS WORK and therefore gain and retain more information. If we are to be effective communicators, we need to learn to PACKAGE our communication correctly.

Let me give you the meat of this “Communication Sandwich” Part one is the Top Bun. Tell your audience precisely what you are going to tell them. Part two is the meat or the middle part. After you have told them what you are going to tell them, you actually TELL THEM exactly what you told them you were going to tell them! Part three is the closer or bottom bun. You simply tell them that you literally just told them what you wanted to tell them.

Today, I have just told you about the “Communication Sandwich.” Let me challenge you to incorporate this communication method and watch your audience devour your content. Did you see what I just did there? I literally used the communication sandwich to teach you about the communication sandwich.

Summary: When faced with a challenge, we can start considering “What If” scenarios, which are typically worst case scenarios. But 9 times out of 10, we don’t face the worst case scenario and things just work themselves out.

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When I was a kid, we would play baseball in an empty lot next to our house. Now, keep in mind, it was me, my older brother and the two neighbor boys. We had two on each team, not much of a baseball game, right? If you ever played baseball like this, you might be familiar with the term, “Ghost on Second.'' The idea was simple. If I, Josh, got a hit and found myself on 2nd base, and it was now my turn to be up at bat again, we would put a “Ghost on Second Base” as an invisible player of sorts. This is pretty convenient when you are short 7 players for a full baseball team. Having a “Ghost on Second Base” can be a really big help when short handed in a backyard baseball game.

But I want to introduce you to something I call, “Ghost Scenarios”. If “Ghost on Second” is a helpful concept when short handed in a baseball game, “Ghost Scenarios” are NOT a helpful concept when short handed in a ministry context. Let me explain. When I am looking at being short handed on a Sunday morning, I can start to play out what I call “Ghost Scenarios” or “What if Scenarios.” I don’t know about you, but most “What if Scenarios” are really “Worst Case Scenarios.”

Does the worst case typically play out? Or do things kinda just work themselves out 9 times out of 10? Typically, my darkest mental predictions don’t become reality. These darker scenarios or “Ghost Scenarios” are really just negative predictions of the future. Often, anxiety sets in as I mentally play out these possibilities to their illogical conclusions. It is quite exhausting for me. Maybe you can relate.

Let’s keep the “Ghosts on Second Base” and out of our minds when we are short handed on a particular Sunday morning. Let’s look at the bright side. Typically things just seem to work out and my worst fears do not materialize.

Summary: If the leader assumes positive intentions of their followers, we are able to win. If the follower positively assumes that the leader truly wants the best possible outcome, they will speak honestly and respectfully.

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On our last video, we talked about people as “Roadblocks” or “Street Cleaners.” Honestly, it is about our internal disposition and less about them. Rather than only talking about this with the language of “Roadblock” vs. “Street Cleaner.” I want to broaden our vocabulary. Do you view people who ask you questions as a “Threat” or do you view them as an “Asset”?

Do you view questions as a personal threat? Maybe you have been around a leader who is so brittle that any probing question causes them to react negatively. Insecure leaders don’t want feedback, they just want blind affirmation. Brittle leaders cannot handle feedback.

If an idea is good, it can stand up to questioning. If an idea is good, it will become stronger through questioning. Andy Stanely said, “Leaders who cease listening will soon have followers with nothing to say.” Brittle leaders create intimidating conditions, leading to silence. Therefore, their ideas do not get the benefit of dialogue. Leaders who hold others as threats miss out on people being assets.

This starts with a foundation of shared trust. If the leader assumes positive intentions of their followers, we are able to win. If the follower positively assumes that the leader truly wants the best possible outcome, they will speak honestly and respectfully. If you as a leader view others’ input as a threat as opposed to an asset, you will set a negative and harmful tone. Today, I want to challenge you to view others’ inputs as an asset and not as a threat.

Summary: Questioning team members can be viewed as “Roadblocks” - getting in the way of your vision - or “Street Cleaners” - cleaning up potentially harmful debris from your path. As much as possible, try to view these team members as “Street Cleaners” who are helping you.

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You have a new and brilliant idea. As you begin to share this idea, one of your team members seems to have a slight frown. This team member tips their head to the side and slowly raises their hand. They seem to be quietly interrupting your train of thought and your flow of vision. They respectfully ask you a series of baseline questions.

How do you view this person? They are likely viewed as one of two things in your mind. They are either viewed as a “Roadblock” or they are viewed as a “Street Cleaner.” As they ask questions, you might perceive them as oppositional to you and to your vision. You might see them as trying to STOP your vision or idea from happening. I mean, they are questioning you, right? If this is the case, you would likely view them as a “Roadblock.” Roadblocks are frustrating and you might want to REMOVE THEM from the conversation as they are holding up your show.

On the other hand, they might be viewed as a “Street Cleaner.” In this case, as they ask you questions, they may be seeking to remove harmful debris from your path, thus HELPING the vision move forward. As they ask questions, you could see them as ASSISTING your vision. If this is the case, you would see them as helping clean the street from debris. This person would be someone you would want to KEEP IN the conversation, as they are helping you.

Now, to be fair, there are many factors to consider in this situation, like past experience, tone of voice and body language. However, can I challenge you to view people as “Street Cleaners” for your vision and not as a “Roadblock” for your vision? I think it might help us all.

Summary: Exceptional leaders have a super power. This super power allows them to see things that other people do not see. Truly exceptional leaders can see things in people that those very people do not even know exist in themselves.

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Today, I want to introduce you to 4 letters. That’s right. Just 4 simple letters that could transform your ability to both SEE and INVITE people. Here are the 4 letters: The Letter “I,” the letter “C,” the letter “N,” and finally the letter “U.”

Now, you might think that these four letters will act as an acronym. You might think that each letter stands for something. Actually in this case, I am only using the individual letters and their phonetic sounds as you pronounce them. If I simply say these four letters, it sounds like I have said a phrase. Listen to the letters as I say them - ICNU. It almost sounds like I am speaking the phrase, “I see something in you,” or “I see in you”.

First, let’s talk about the power of observation. As your eyes look around your ministry, you might see something special in someone. You might see leadership potential. You might see a hidden acumen for teaching or administration. The first two letters, “I” and “C” are my first challenge for you as a leader. Can you push yourself to start observing others around you?

There is, however, great power when we string all 4 letters together and use them as an invitation. Exceptional leaders have a super power. This super power allows them to see things that other people do not see. Yet it needs to go deeper. Truly exceptional leaders can see things in people that those very people do not even know exist in themselves.

After you have observed someone and you have stood up on those first two letters, “I” and “C”, you can approach someone and move from observation to invitation. You can let them know that you have observed something special in them. You now push all four letters together and say “I see in you…” This can and should lead to an invitation to put those observed abilities into action. Start this week to incorporate these 4 simple letters into your leadership acumen. ICNU.

Summary: Success in ministry is not about what you do. Success is ministry is what happens if you were to never come back. We must adopt a deeper trust in God’s ability. It starts with your heart.

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You have heard me say it before and I imagine you will hear me say it again, “Success in ministry is not about what you do. Success is ministry is what happens if you were to never come back.” Things will never be good enough for you to feel comfortable leaving them in the hand of another person.

Jesus left the apostles and ascended into heaven. They didn’t understand. They opposed this idea. If it had been better, Jesus likely would have remained. But Jesus said, “If I do not ascend, I cannot send the Helper, the Holy Spirit.” Jesus left but the Spirit remained.

Paul left every new church he planted. Each and every local church that Paul planted was filled with young and baby Christians. This church was new and it was in need of guidance and Paul provided that for a season. This included training, instruction and modeling. This also included the establishment of an order of operation. Paul did not remain at that first planted church as the super-pastor. Do you hear that? Paul did not stay as the super pastor. SO...Paul left but the Spirit remained.

We must adopt a deeper trust in God’s ability. We need to see that our personal presence is not nearly as important as we might think. We must be committed to give ministry away. Let it out of the nest. Let it learn to walk. GIve it wings. Give it room. Let it breathe.

Can I challenge you to set in motion a process to equip others for getting their hands involved in ministry? Yes, this will take time. Yes, this will not happen overnight. But it requires a heart change. It starts with your heart. It will move to your head. Finally, you will find your hands handing off ministry to others.